The Bus Stop Method

I asked my grandson, (he’s seven) what he had been doing in school that day. He said he had been learning a quick way to divide big numbers. This new mathematical equation is, he told me called the bus stop method.

I said well how does that work? He began to write on an imaginary “blackboard” With his finger he drew two lines in the air. Say you wanted to know how many fours are in twenty-four. You write twenty-four on that line then you write four on that line.

I watched his finger move precisely through the air and the concentration on his face.

His finger stopped moving he looked at me so, how may fours are in twenty-four? Six I said. He wrote six in the air well there you are then that’s the answer.

Someone is being paid to reinvent the wheel me thinks.Screen Shot 2020-01-26 at 09.30.02

Two Quick Incredible Stories

People tell me things, often complete strangers, without any instigation from me I might add share intimate stories about their lives.  Here are two I was told last week.

I bumped into a woman I hadn’t seen in years.  After the usual banter I asked how her son was, he must be grown up now.  She looked exasperated, oh him she said he’s just got a girlfriend and she’s told him she’s pregnant so she can’t work and he has to do everything while she lies in bed.

I asked is it her first child she said no’ she has had three more and had them all taken off her by social services!!   Incredible!

Another woman who I had just met told me she had just come into some money.  Thirty thousand pounds to be precise.  I said did you win the lottery she said no my father sexually abused me from an early age until I was in my teens.  

The court had awarded her and the other sixteen victims of her father’s cruel actions a thousand pounds for every year he had been sentenced to in prison.

Her mother, incredibly won’t speak to her because she thinks she has brought shame on the family by testifying against her dad. Incredible!

Love love love

Sorry isn’t the hardest word to say I love is.

When someone says I love you they in all probability mean it.  That doesn’t mean they will love you forever or you have to love them back.   

Telling someone you love them is powerful magic so when they stop telling you they love you you better watch out.

Several times throughout my life I’ve had personal experience of this phenomena perhaps the best example was a woman I was seeing who, for the sake of brevity here I will describe as a complete tart.

She could pull every dirty trick in the book and lie faster than a dog can trot but when it came to loving even she couldn’t fake it.

She loved me and loved me for years.  Then I noticed she had stopped saying she loved me so one day I looked deep into her eyes and said I love you she replied I huve you too. 

The relationship drizzled on for a few more weeks but I knew it was over that day.  From that moment she never told me she loved me because, quite simply she couldn’t.

So the next time someone says I love you let the warmth of those words wash over you like the gentle waves of the Caribbean surf. 

Alternatively you could say sorry pet I’m spoken for.

I’m Fine

 

How many of these conversations have you had since Christmas?

Me. How are you?

Them. Good, I’ve had that virus that’s going around, Knocks you for six. I spent two days in bed trying to sweat it out.

Me. Did it work?

Them. It helped

Me. How’s Elizabeth, did she get it as well?

Them. No, she’s as strong as a horse

Me. Did you have a nice Christmas?

Them. Quiet, mainly family. My son and his wife spent Christmas day with us and we had all the neighbours round on New Year’s Eve. To be honest we never stopped laughing.

Me. What did you get?

Them. For Christmas? New shoes, a couple of books, this, pulling at the sweater he’s wearing, oh a bottle of malt whiskey and some vouchers.

Me. What did you get Elizabeth?

Them. She didn’t want much. I got her an iPad and a couple of tops.

Me. Wow you bought clothes, that was brave

Them. Not really she had been looking at them before Christmas so I knew what to get.

Me. Anything else?

Them. A bracelet with a charm. Now I can buy her a charm for her birthday and Christmas so it makes it easier in the future.

Me. She did well then, you both did. Glad to hear it.

Silence

Me. Anyway, all the best give my regards to the family.

Them. Will do. Bye

I’ve had several and it happens so often I’m no longer surprised.

Anyway as you didn’t ask, I’ll tell you.

I’m fine

They’re Right

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Remember what all those old fogeys told you when you were growing up?  Life’s short, stick in at school, there’s plenty more fish in the sea, tomorrows another day, don’t worry, on and on they had a saying for every occasion.

Well, do you know what? They were right.

Just over a week ago I was thirty years old, I’m sixty now.

Life is short.

It took a stroke to make me appreciate my life.  Since that happened,(two years ago and fortunately I made a full recovery) I wake up every day determined to be happy, content and use the time I have left to help others.

So make a plan, love yourself, forgive, fall in love, fall out of love, accept that nothing lasts forever, be kind and treasure your life.

It’s the only one you have.

Pillow Talk

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I’ve slept with people for most of my life. I was the youngest of three and shared a bed with my two brothers until my late teens. When I left home, I had girlfriends and wives.

I sleep on my own now under a fluffy duvet in a double bed with four quality pillows. Two set in the middle of the bed to rest my head on and two to bump into during the night.
Having done this for a few years I have come to the firm conclusion that sharing a bed with someone is highly overrated.

The Fantasy
Your partner stands, takes your hand, time for bed darling. The TV is switched off, wine glasses are placed in the dishwasher then, hand in hand you wind your way upstairs get undressed slip into bed kiss goodnight and as the room folds into darkness exchange I love you’s.
Wrapped in each other arms you fall into a deep contented slumber until the gently light of morn and the burr of an alarm clock wake you ready and rested to face another bliss filled day.

The Reality
The TV is on, you wake up, your partner is half asleep on the chair opposite. You stand up and, as you brush the biscuit crumbs off your sweater say, I’m off to bed, night. Upstairs, you brush your teeth, have a pee, put on your pyjamas and fall into bed. While all that’s going on your partner, who was determined to watch the program until the end has fallen asleep downstairs.

Two hours later they follow you up. The lights are on, taps are running, the toilets being flushed and you, well your awake taking note of every sound counting down until eventually they get into bed. And when they do they’re cold so they push against you trying to steal your warmth, that situation can easily lead to sex becoming an issue but your half asleep. I’ll catch you in the morning, go to sleep.

An hour later you get up to pee and two hours after that they get up to pee. They snore, they’re restless, your hot, you throw back the covers they’re cold they pull them back up. Time to pee again and check the clock. Eventually, three minutes before the alarm goes off you fall into a deep sleep.

You get out of bed knackered and mildly annoyed.
The Dream
You’ve had a nice little doze in front of the TV all evening. Time for bed so you switch everything off have a quick tidy then head upstairs. PJs on you clean your teeth comb your hair, have a pee, open the window then slip into your already turned back bed. Before you turn off the lamp you check your phone for missed calls and have a quick look at FB.
Then it’s lights out, you snuggle down and in no time you’re fast asleep. At 03.13am you wake nip for a pee have another look at your phone and iPad then it’s back to sleep until 06.30am. At this point, you could turn on the TV, have another scroll or as I occasionally do, play my guitar.

No one to bother you and you’re not bothering anyone. Depending on work commitments I might have another hour snooze before getting up to make my breakfast. All in all a good nights sleep.

In my opinion, everyone should have there own bed. If your in a relationship which includes sex I suggest you meet up with your partner twice a week have a light lunch, preferably in a restaurant then, at 03.00pm go home open a bottle of Champagne and have the sex, anywhere but in bed.

Follow these simple rules and you will enjoy a long fruitful relationship.

Goodnight x

No such Luck

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Believing in luck requires the same leap of faith needed to accept that gravity exists. They both contradict all known scientific facts.

No one is inherently “Lucky” you can’t “rub for luck.” If you gamble enough you will win occasionally thus convincing yourself and those around you that you are indeed lucky. Your not, every time you throw the dice the same odds apply.

You don’t have a lucky number. You can test this for yourself by buying a lottery ticket, the chances of winning are 1 in 45,057,474.

Luck isn’t on your side, there is no such thing as third time lucky and luck isn’t granted by the grace of God.

Luck is our way of accepting the unpredictable natural chaos around us. Bad luck is a way of explaining our failures and good luck is a way to accept the success of others without chipping our own ego.

Luck is a state of mind and people who think and feel lucky are more likely to succeed and ultimately be “lucky.”   In other words, you make your own luck. So, throw away your rabbit’s foot, ditch the shamrock and scrap the horseshoe.

Expect good fortune, don’t dwell on bad luck, see bad times as a conduit to better times, remain optimistic and you will be lucky.

Fingers crossed you’ll have a great 2019